Break Up With Him

First things first. This post is not aimed to be a She-Woman Man Haters Club memorandum, although sometimes they really be trying it and I would very much like to do so. It is simply meant to discuss my personal experience when it comes to holding on to what is not meant for you, something we all tend to do at one point or another because we're all human. This applies to all areas of our lives, but the most prominent one tends to be love. 

Valentine's Day is tomorrow and if you're single this is definitely a holiday that can get you in your bag, especially when you see people professing their love on the 'gram and all over social media. Look, us single folk ain't mad at all of you in love but it's another reminder that we frankly don't need shoved down our faces, as most of ya be doing theeeeeee most for V-Day. I'm single and I'll be the first one to tell you that I'm not trying to be single forever. Most us are not. I'd personally like to be in a committed relationship or married at some point in my life, but with the RIGHT person. As Abuela says, "Mejor sola que mal acompañada."

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Photo Credits: @chassingdenisse

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The Answer to All of Your Problems, Sis

I learned so much in my last relationship and even though the ending was awful I would go through it again because it made me a stronger and more determined person. It taught me exactly what I do not want in a relationship. How will you know the good if you've never experienced the bad? 

 BUT.... 

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I can definitely tell you that as much as it was his fault for cheating it was my fault for not letting him go sooner. This whole mess would have been avoided had I let that man go! I had a few chances to do so, but I was so stubborn to the truth that was right in front of me and was hell-bent on making it work. Here's a little lesson I want to share because growth is a beautiful thing...

I vividly remember Mr.Man and I's first anniversary. We went to a dinner at I place I choose of course (no effort on his part) and had a great time. After we went out for drinks at the bar we had our first date at and a few drinks in he randomly tells me that he's not happy. It came out of no where and caught me off guard. 

He said he wasn't happy because I didn't have time for him.

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I was baffled and went from zero to a hunnit real quick. You see, during this time I was in the very last week of the most trying semester ever, desperately working towards my thesis project so that I can graduate with my Bachelor's in less than two weeks. I was also juggling an internship, a part-time job, and my passion project/side hustle aka the blog. I was running on fumes trying to make it to the finish line at this point. Instead of being encouraging during this hectic time, ya boy said he was unhappy because I didn't have time for him, knowing damn well I was a few weeks away from closing this very hectic chapter in my life. 

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SHOP MY LOOK: 

Sweater: The Read (fav podcast!) SOLD OUT | Leggings: Fashion to Figure | Heels: Macys | Hat: Super Old (similar) | 

Clearly, he needed more attention than I could give at the time and I needed someone that was more supportive. We broke up - yes, on our first anniversary and I was so pissed at the audacity of it all. We got back together like the foolish young adults we were, and broke up a little over a year later because he cheated on me. This was never going to work. I wasn't for him and he wasn't for me. It was like trying to fit a circle in a square wood puzzle. You know the one our nieces and nephews play with? Yup, those. 

Had I listened to this sign, amongst others during the time we were together, I would have avoided a huge heartbreak and love hangover. But, I got through it and it made me better. I grew to know myself and realized that the only person I needed to complete me was ME. Anything else is just a huge plus, but I promise you I'm GOOD. 

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I'm so much more aware of the signs now and my approach to love over all. A few years ago I was all down for growing and building with somebody, I think that's why I was willing to put up with mediocrity. Now, I'm all like "What do you bring to the table, because I actually brought the table sir!"

I'm so content in my singleness and have faith that the right person will find me (don't have time to look for him) when the time is right. Although I'm extremely busy steadily working hard to build my empire, my past experiences have taught me to listen to my intuition and all of the signs around me in regards to love and people in general. I don't have time to waste and I certainly don't have time for mediocrity which is why I choose not to date. I can't even keep up with my life at the moment let alone trying to keep up with multiple men. It's a no for me. At least for now anyway. 

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I say all this to say, that if you are currently in a relationship or even in a situationship and feel like shit won't get better, it's because it probably won't. Listen to your gut and trust that it is always guiding you in the right direction even if the truth hurts. The answer to all your problems is accepting your reality. Do what you gotta do even if the thought of it alone pains you. I promise you it will avoid a lot of heartache in the long run. Trusssssssst me. It happened to me. Had I listened to all those signs, this story would have been a lot different. 

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At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

I made this video one year after my breakup and all the tips I shared genuinely helped me get through that rough year which is why I wanted to share this video. You know I would never leave you out here struggling. If you need a little support to get you through your recent break up, watch my " 11 Tips for Getting Over Your Ex" video below. 


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"Be easy, take your time. You are coming home to yourself."

- The Becoming | Wing

Ada Rojas2 Comments